Lamentations.

Yay, school's over. NO MORE JUNION LIFE. I feel so relieved that I've finally made it--albeit with less of a bang than I'd initially hoped. I kinda bombed my fourth quarter/final grades, so my GPA isn't going to be much different...oh well.

But the worst is over, and now I'm...free? Eek, it feels so weird. I had no idea how much being a Junion had ruined my capacity to just, you know, relax. WHAT RELAX WHAT WUT WUT WUT THAT'S NOT ALLOWED HUFFHUFF. It's been over 3 days since the last day of school, and I still don't know what to do with myself. Luckily, I've been mostly busy during the daytime (Vacation Bible School? Me? Whodathunk. But it was actually fun for once...minus all the diseases on my clothes from little kindergarteners not-so-subtly wiping their filthy hands all over me) so everything feels normal. But at night...oh man. I'm a nervous wreck. It seems that my mind/body has become so accustomed to slaving over homework and textbooks over the past 6 months that it's not quite sure how to function without them. I've tried eating, reading, sleeping, breathing loudly--anything to pass the time before I fall asleep...but to no avail. I just feel inexplicably guilty and (to be honest) a little bit daunted by the propect of being stress-free. It's like if Edward Cullen was suddenly given a free two-month pass to an all-you-can-eat buffet of Bella Swans. (Feel free to give me an intervention because I think I might need one.) What am I going to do? Where should I start? When do I stop? Should I stop? Oh god, I can't handle the possibilities. The feeling is so overwhelming that I've been reduced to sitting in front of my TV, staring blankly at CSI marathons on Spike. Don't worry, I'll get over it soon. This is going to be a fantastic summer, I know it. And if it isn't, I'll make it.
Which leads me to another thing. I know there's New Year's resolutions, but I think they're overrated. For me, the new year really begins on the first day of summer. Junior year was a hell of a lot better than my first two years at LHS, but there's still room for improvement. Most of the sucky parts of Junior year (other than school, stress, menstrual cramps; etc.) was entirely self-induced. Dayum, I can be a biiiiiiitchhhhhhhhh. So yeah, no more of that. I really want my senior year to be amazing (so when I'm in college/older, I can look back on my years at LHS without cringing for once), and it'll call for a few changes. This summer, I'll try to:
-BE LESS JUDGMENTAL OF MYSELF AND ESPECIALLY OTHERS.
-Stop being so damn paranoid.
-Control my inner control freak.
-BE MORE SEXUALLY ACTIVE .
-Get over my social awkwardness and actually TALK to people.
-Be more confident in myself and actually acknowledge my talents for once.
-Draw and sing more.
-Bitch and moan less.
-Wean myself off makeup...very very slowly.
-And, of course, update this blog!

Those are the main things that I could really work on right now, but I'm sure there are many more. I don't really have any SUPER HIGH expectations for this, and I know I'll have a lot of trouble with some of them (omfg no moar makeup wtf nevarrrrr)...but I'm definitely up for the challenge. There are some things that just can't be changed, but I'm sure all of the above can be. I can change.
This summer will be super fucking duper.